Back in 1985, I was home with a friend, trimming my parent's Christmas tree as a surprise for them.  We stumbled over each other, singing carols and trying to harmonize, having a wonderful time when I heard an inner voice ( I think for the first time ever).  This voice was male-ish.  ( I say male-ish because inner voices are difficult to distinguish unlike outer voices.)  The voice said, "Go to you room, alone."  It was not a frightening voice, so the experience was not frightening.  I did as I was told.  In my room, standing in front of my mirror, I waited...Gradually, the rest of the room faded into a mist and all that was visible was my reflection in the mirror.  The voice returned and said, "Be Mine!"  And a great joy and peace pervaded my soul!  I knew it was Jesus Christ!  I also knew He was calling me to service as a nun.  I was thrilled and in wonderment for hours!  My parents came home and my friend went to my room to settle in and I told my mother what had happened.  I told her that our Lord wanted me to be a nun.  I thought she would be happy for me and give me her approval.  How wrong I was!  Unbeknownst to me, my mother is very anti-nun.  Years earlier, her favorite cousin Barbara, became a Carmilite nun.  Yeeeeaaaaarrrrs later, she saw her again and found not the young and beautiful Barbara, but an old woman in a habit.  You cannot make this into sense for my mother.  You cannot, tell her that it had been over forty years and everyone gets old.  She will not hear you out.  In her eyes, everyone must party till the cows come home and remain young and vital forever.  I did not know all of this when my mother flatly refused my entry to the sisterhood in Christ.  All I knew was, as a Catholic girl, I needed her approval and consent and she had refused to give it to me.  I felt that she must know what she was saying and that I had to be obedient to my mother.  That, was twenty two years ago.  I have since married, had two children, divorced, had a nervous breakdown, and moved back in with my parents so I could live.  Let me tell you something...He never stopped calling me to Him.  Never.  My debts are nearly paid (one of the requirements of entry as a candidate to the sisterhood) and my children are in the custody of their father and I am extremely limited in my contact with them.  My eldest daughter is in college, my youngest in high school.  He knocks on my spiritual door loudly and frequently!  One of the other requirements is that I get an annulment from my marriage.  That way, in the eyes of the church, I will have never been married at all.  I hope to do that soon. 

My mother is still anti-nun, but she will have to get over it.  I am an adult now and not under restraint of her rule.  Also, when others have joined the sisterhood, they have found that Jesus gives the parents the gift of total exceptance for the loss of their daughter.  They become overjoyed and happy that she is happy.  How wonderful of Him to think of such a consolation for the family!  Some will ask, "Why didn't you remarry?"  I tried.  I dated, I did everything a woman in the world would do, but all I got was heartache and pain.  These are things I DON'T get when I persue Jesus and He me.  I fine the world today is far more complicated than it used to be even as short a time ago as the eighties.  I find that evil has pervaded family life and worklife and homelife and everywhere else.  Yes, it even invades convent life sometimes.  Huh??? you say?  Well, consider this.  The inhabitants of a convent are women who have vowed chastity, poverty and obedients.  They pray for the world, its inhabitants, and the inhabitants of pergatory and hell.  Everyday, they free souls from the clutches of evil by means of prayer.  Do you think Satan is happy about that?  Absolutely NOT.  He comes to these wonderful, brave women and he terrorizes them.  How do I know?  By two means...He does this to me and everyone I know who prays well, and also by reading the life of Saint Faustina Kowalska.  Her diaries have been published so others can discover how the progression to holiness is fraught with suffering and pain.  Then why do it?  Well, consider the world first.  When you suffer for another person, do they care?  Do they thank you?  Do you feel even remotely consoled for your efforts?  No.  Why?  They are too busy thinking of themselves.  Now consider Jesus and heaven...When you suffer for souls and offer them to Him as a sacrifice, you get consolation, thanks, and gifts of abilities you could never, ever have conceived for yourself.  You feel loved and cherished... and you managed to save others from eternal damnation.  I would rather work with Jesus then against Him anyday!  He is a much better boss and the pay is excellent! 

Peace be with you always!  God be praised! 

Happy New Year!  As I write this blog on the first day of the first month of the new year 2008, I am in great hope for the future of the world.  Why?  Well, because I have discovered things that truly were not secrets, but have been kept as such by certain members of our global community.  It doesn't surprise me that this is how they treat these phenomena, because humans are afraid of their own shadows and God scares them out of their wits!  What am I referring to?  Well, firstly I would like to direct you to the sources.  The Diary of Saint Faustina Kowalska, and a book by Wayne Wiebles called, Medjegorje.  These books, and there are a couple of others that enhance each other, are fantastic reads.  They will change your life if you give them a chance.  They tell of the visitations by our heavenly royal family.  The Blessed Virgin Mary has been visiting Medjegorje, Yugoslavia for about twenty seven or so years and imparting secrets on a group of children (all grown up now with families of their own).  Each child has around 10 secrets that will be fulfilled at the nearing of the end of humanity.  They cannot give their secrets until the Blessed Virgin gives them the okay, then they are to give a scroll to their chosen Priest and after his fasting for a number of days he will be able to read these secrets and pass them on to the world.  Secret number 7 has already been disolved.  How?  The Blessed Virgin says that the only way we can avoid the coming apocolyptic catastrophe of God's wrath is to pray, pray, pray.  She also says that we must have days of fasting and must go to confession often.  We must pray as a family.  We must change our ways, NOW.  Not later.  If we do these things, we will be spared. 

I read this book and somehow I vaguely remember reading it before, but my life has been so traumatic and strange that I forget stuff. So I read it again.  There are other books on the subject, also well worth the reading. 

The other books are about Saint Faustina Kowalska who received these messages back in the 1920's and 30's from Jesus Himself.  He said that the first of the permanant signs would be a cross in the sky visible to everyone on the earth.  At each point of each of the wounds He received on the day of His crucifixion, would be a beam of light shining down on the earth.  I find this frightening and fascinating all at the same time.  This would be counted as the first secret I suppose.  I don't know.  He said the only way to quell (sp?) God's wrath was also to pray, pray, pray, but to pray specific prayers.  He gave Sister Faustina the Divine Mercy prayer and the Divine Mercy Chaplet to pray.  If you want to help the whole of humanity to exist and improve and to help the souls of sinners in pergatory and hell to reach heaven safe and sound, I urge you to research this and fulfill the will of God, instead of always fulfilling your own.  We must remember that when we fulfill only our own desires, we are never truly fulfilled.  But when we fulfill the desires of God, we are never empty or alone. 

God be praised!

A couple of days ago, I wrote a blog about some pretty foolish men who break the hearts of nice women, just so they can have as many women as they want and get a good ego stroking.  I forgot to mention that there are quite a few women out there who do the same thing to men.  I've always tried to look for that one special guy.  The one that would allow me to be me and still love me and cherish me.  If one man isn't holding up my expectations, I'll usually tell him I'm moving on.  However, there was one particular man this summer whom I didn't have the chance to tell. In fact, I wasn't going to break up with him at all, but I had to leave my home in rather hurry and go someplace where there was no internet nor any long distance calling.  I lost him.  I don't suppose I'll ever hear from him again.  To Ibrahim, I apologize.  I wish I could IM him again.  Some men just don't have it as easy as we want them too.  Even men over the age of 30 have families who may or may not approve of us.  Well, for them I feel sorry, because my family is much the same.  My mother is in charge of the giant jigsaw puzzle that is our family and God forbid if someone coming close to us doesn't fit perfectly!  To these men that I have known, I sincerly apologize and with them I deeply simpathize.  However, to those who are on their own and tell a women she is the only one who matters, when in fact there are many others...Well, lets just say I hope they get as good as they give.  My heart, wants someone to love.  My heart is tired of being misused and abused.  I weep for all who can understand what I have been through.  I know there are many out there.  Lets be friends.

This one is dedicated to all the men who search for a woman to love on the internet.  Why?  Because they all seem to follow the same blueprint of how to treat a woman they find on the internet.  Pay attention ladies, there will be a test later for your benefit...

I have had a love or two from the internet.  I am very attracted to men from other countries for some reason.  Maybe because American men have problems with intimacy.  Who can blame them?  With women running around all surgically inhanced like Pamela Anderson and the like, I would think that when an American man looks in the mirror in the morning and finds a pregnant belly where a six pack ought to be, he should fear intimacy!  My answer to this problem is two fold, 1. get in shape, 2. look at REAL women.  But I digress... Any man you find on the internet is bound to have a problem with intimacy or he wouldn't be looking around the other side of the globe for someone to be close to.  Some sound so good!  Some look so incredible!  Some can make you melt with one look at the digital camera it's almost scary!  You feel you found your true love.  Congratulations!  You make arrangements to get together, you agree on all the particulars in life including who you shouldn't be seeing.  Other men of course.  Then, for some unexplained reason and as a part of some strange phenomenon, he suddenly disappears.  No word, no call, no letter and certainly no explaination at all.  Maybe, if you're lucky, you will get a cryptic note or two about something so general, for a awhile you are over the moon that he is still alive, then you begin to let it sink in...Where has he been and where is he now?  Why hasn't he written, called or whatever it takes to contact the one he supposedly loves?  When this happens to me, and it has happened twice over the internet, I STEP AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER!  I take the time to remind myself that I am a worthy human being and that before this individual came blogging and emailing into my life, I was somebody important to somebody else.  Namely, me.  Don't let men on the internet turn you into a blithering, blubbering idiot who can't live without them.  Men have to learn that they are only a small part of our existences and that we only let them in when we want to let them in.  It is a privilege to know us, not something to be taken for granted!  For all you men who pull this trick on the one you say you love---Grow up.  Be real men for once and learn how to please someone besides yourselves.  Learn that others have feelings and playing with those feelings is a crime against nature.  GROW UP.